I am nothing but behavior

I am nothing but a speck of dust in a universe that is infinite

I control nothing but my behavior

I can fool myself to believe I am in control of my destiny

I am not, my behavior may make it possible to achieve, arrive at a desired destination

I still have no guarantee that I will accomplish and attain this focal point

I must acknowledge to myself and the universe that I have little control at all

I have nothing but my behavior, it is my rock, foundation

It is formed by my belief system as is yours

It is molded by the examples of other souls, pre-experienced and caring

It is truth, words are nothing without the demonstration supported by behavior

It defines my soul, allows me to co-habitat with other souls

It provides strength when It is most needed and solace when I am sick

I have no control of illness but my behavior may invite certain physical calamities

I haven’t the control on my prosperity as I would like to believe, poor behavior will destroy but good intentions and wishful investing can as well

I must accept that my behavior will define my character, show my true worth

I am nothing in the grand scheme of the universe except to those whom wish to open up for me

I am nothing but love, wrapped in behavior, I was formed because of love, I was designed by love and it is only by my behavior that I can honor My God , Parents, My Spouse, My Children ,My Grandchildren and friendships that have molded my journey.

I am my behavior, the flesh will some day dissolve, and if I talked about after I am taken it will be about my behavior, my love and everything else formed by my free will which is behavior granted by my Creator

Peace be with you

Park 2015

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A little dislike about age

I was sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast with my thoughts. I was mulling on how I don’t like this period of my life, I’m going on sixty. The sun raced across the table enlightening my hands as I moped in my self-pity when I realized that this is nothing new, not liking a period in my life. Why is that? I certainly have been blessed enough to live with a full,overfull tummy. I never woke up without a sanctuary a heated sanctuary. I have Problems, who hasn’t .

In my fifties I found myself becoming unemployed, diabetic and saying goodbye to my parents, and in-laws. Everything my Father and I worked towards, the family business disappeared. So at fifty-three everything that I was use to ceased,waking up well before the sunrise, working at least 10 hours a day 6 days a week if not more, I doubt if I worked a 40 hour week but 3 times in my life since I was seventeen. I don’t have the money to show for it , it was never about the money it was about keeping my word, the word I gave my father when I was in trouble and need his help. I wish I could brag about financial accomplishments but I think most small businesses in America usually are poorly compensated for their efforts despite what is assumed by many. So I do believe My God compensated me by arranging the opportunity to babysit my grandchildren and prepare the older generation for their death. It was a time of roller-coaster emotions yet I found peace, Several time I could feel My Lords presence and physically feel peaceful and strong when needed. So if someone ask me if I believe in Christ I have to answer How can I not?He was with me when no one else was.

My forties was a blur , only to find myself broken. I laid on a gurney, blinded because of a mild stroke, I laid there asking myself what next. I felt a great peace come when I said. God will be done, realizing that I could not fix this. I couldn’t. I will never forget that peace, except with a verbal confrontation with the doctor who was scolding me for not taking care of myself , which I reminded him he doesn’t work for free, I had just got on my wife’s insurance policy and was about to set up going to the family Physician, Another by-product of small business un-affordable health insurance. The doctor left quietly and I laughed at the nurse when she asked me to sign the release documents. I had to have her put my hands where I needed to scribble. I sat in the same chair three days then decided to find a way into work and gradually my sight returned to a less efficient but ever so workable miracle, yes miracle in my opinion. It probably was the mortal nail for my fathers business, I was no way the man that I was before the stroke. I didn’t like this time of my life either, and I was wrong to say this then as well for many events happen that where good that followed that day on the gurney.

My thirties I really don’t remember to much other than I worked , and worked and worked . My kids were being raised, we didn’t have much but we all had full tummies and plenty of interesting times. I somehow found out that I like to paint and draw, and wasn’t that bad at it . I didn’t have much time but found it possible to get lost in the basement and paint away.We had build a good size business and I would find myself being on call 24/7. This pattern caused me to develop the attitude if I can’t get it done in a day don’t bother,bad attitude that I still haven’t been able to undo. This should have been the prime of my life, maybe it was but I can’t remember much. At times I struggle to find memories of the kids and I. I can remember some of the bad moves and struggles at work but very little of my personal life. I didn’t like this time either, again I am grateful I made it pass this without doing to much damage

Many go on about their fun times the twenties were, Me not so. I was building a family, actually I had been daddy since I was eighteen and found work was the reward for having such a good time a few times. I think the twenties was the age of stupid mistakes, arrogance and fruitless dreams. It had some good times of course. I bought my house by my 21 birthday and found myself growing and growing,Physically of course. I had abandon my Catholic faith years ago. I never stop believing but was totally frustrated with the Church I belong to. It always seemed that when I need help I couldn’t find it. So I started to explore some other alternatives till I just closed the door to God till I received that day on the gurney. Nope I didn’t like the twenties either.

Now my youth was very interesting and to say I like my youth would be a big lie. I was born a pre-me and because of incubator burns I was left with one eyes that has little vision and required me to wear coke-bottle glasses to this day, my other eye was and is fantastic. My parents enrolled me into a Catholic School and I was one of a few that went to school in a white shirt and tie in a blue-collar military town so running for my house which was at the other end of the development was the norm. I gotten used to being called names and bullied both at home and believe it or not at the Catholic school because I was a kid from that side of town. The nuns even treated me different as if that what is the use, after all the kids thought it was cool to drink cough syrup, I just laughed as I lit up. They made me bathroom monitor I think one kid smoke in the school, me. I just didn’t fit in till I left Catholic school and went to public high school, there skipping school, getting high and surfing was all I wanted to do, And that is what I did do till I found myself needing to grow up and be a man, be responsible . I did not like this either, but I am grateful that God’s lessons that I did learn while going to that Catholic School at least steered me in the right direction. I was not a good Catholic, a bad Catholic but Catholic I was, I am , As God wills it.

Actually So what does this little rant have to do with anything, for most that read this nothing. I really do like this time because it is the only time, there is no other time it all is one time, each period formative for the next, each a chance to correct, learn and benefit from the other. I live in a time where I can type or post if you like a little about life and sail it out there into the universe, perhaps it will be saved and returned and read by someone whom I care about  and cares about me , you got to like this. I think !

Depended on others, I am

Putting on my pants, I realized just how depended on others I am.
Who was responsible for the material my pants were made from?
Who cut up the pattern of the pants that my legs I did jam?
Who was the seamstress , where are those lovely folks from?

Wonder who was the packer who folded and wrapped those stylish pants?
Was it forklifted and boxed and ready to ship?
How many supervisors, managed and danced and went of rants?
How about the broker and lawyer and all that legal stuff on the slip?

Yet I feel I need no one , well that a joke.
I like to have the talent to create out of air,
there was so many task,many hands that carried this yoke.
They provided me these pants, to spare you from seeing me bare.

No one can live on this earth alone.
Even today’s hermit isn’t capable of providing everything
less he wears pants from plants,dead animals or stone.
and that still came from the Almighty God our King!
Period .

2014 Park

I gasp for air.

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I gasp for air

with little hope,much despair

I gasp for air

 

My heart aches so

this pain and sorrow, much to bare

My heart aches so

 

I reach out to touch

They are gone,out of reach, they are not there

I reach out to touch

 

I strain to listen

to hear their voice,just on word I beg to hear

I strain to listen

 

I breath in to capture

just the scent of their being, the smell of their hair

I breath in to capture

 

My body quakes, it trembles 

inside it hurts, this is so unfair

my body quakes, it trembles 

 

I must grasp the truth

They are with God

I must grasp the truth

 

I gasp for air

with hope, for fresh air

I gasp for air 

 

The Deposition

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The Deposition 

 

Slowly the decent, His body battered so viciously attacked

 

Darkness of man’s soul, such hate evil does attract 

 

With the chaos of sin, the confusion of sinner’s senses 

 

Greed, to win, maneuvering of self-centered priorities, selfish fences

 

Struggle upright, not to release let go or drop

 

Strain through the pain and suffering, please mercifully stop

 

Since time began till this very moment

 

Pride, arrogance, disdain, intolerance, without atonement 

 

Without a tear, or shame 

 

Many refused to speak His Name

 

Even with the knowledge, with witness and truth

 

Faith today is considered a weakness, a character aloof

 

It is this reason, His Love and Care

 

He died on that Cross, sins He did bare

 

This Abused Christ, This  Sacrificial Lamb

 

Removed from the Cross, His Death for the Damn 

 

Read this poem again and again

 

Can you sense how it might have been to remove from the Cross this God, this Man

 

Let not the darkness of man’s soul cause us to take flight

 

Look toward that Cross, This Christ, Our Saving Light 

 

© Park 2013

It is time to heal

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It is time to heal

It is time to heal, my Lord

I believe in cause and results

I understand it will not be with a mean-less word

But in faith with in that exults

I must grant myself the knowledge and truth

That everything here is for God’s purpose

I declare that Love is All

Each set back, struggle and suffering or worse

All designed, to guide and mold and call

To bring me to the acceptance of destiny

That I may fulfill what I am here to do

Fulfill I will, with honesty, and trust and intensity 

When It is time I will then be united with YOU 

Amen

© Park 2013 

 

The Freeloader’s Song

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Lately I hear “Let’s rid ourselves of the Freeloaders”

 

The helpless, lazy, won’t work free pass holders

 

I ponder so with this definition 

 

I not sure many have the right information 

 

No No, truly not

 

It’s not the  poor, homeless, and social rot 

 

No 

 

Perhaps the freeloader is the one whom is wealthy

 

The one thats dumps large sums of  money so they can seem healthy

 

Yet will turn and scoff at the oversize and unattractive one

 

The one whom can’t afford the Overpriced coffee and sweet bun

 

 

It’s the one whom seems to get all the breaks

 

The one whom forgot who put up their stakes 

 

You know the ones that did it all by them selves,  all alone 

 

The car, jewels, money and fine home

 

Forgetting the previous guidance, love and care

 

Spared of much suffering, and hardship the others did bare

 

Now

 

Don’t dare insult the soul whom struggles to feed their child

 

Not when so many don’t have time for theirs because we want to run wild

 

How noble is that parent who raises their kid

 

With limited assets, much love and their tears hid

 

 

So many have what’s a freeloader so wrong

 

They truly have forgotten that Christian song 

 

“Take care of your brother, help him with his needs”

 

Prostrate and pray free loader so that God’s Love intercedes

 

If you can’t share and care don’t say a word

 

Just go and hide in the comfort and pretend you have’t heard 

 

Those whom suffer and carry social shame 

 

Just because they so extended from popularity and fame

 

They not the freeloaders, they really can’t be 

 

Because God’s entrusted them with the burdens that the lucky ones don’t see

 

They carry their cross with care and remorse

 

Their poverty and crimes is everyones entertainment media source 

 

I warn you now, You might not like what you just read

 

Think about Jesus Christ before You go to bed

 

Christ did wander, and roam did He not

 

And hung out with then an unsavory lot 

 

Would you call Him a freeloader and jeer in His face

 

Realize Christ has a Your card and Your place  

 

 

© Park 2013