Some days you wake up and you feel you have the world in your hands. Then we have not those days. I started my day on a positive this morning, did my usual routine,except I did not walk this morning my right foot felt like a spike was driven through it. My little ones dropped off, one with a cold and one ready to go. It was a quiet morning. I even had time to make a few post on Facebook, my only communication with older folks some days(wife excluded ) .
So as the day went on I felt ok, even made me a good leftover lunch. Then while on the Internet around 5 or so while reading some body’s post on a friends Status I just got this sick feeling. I started to feel like a fool. Is it because I did not intrepid what the author was saying. Was it because I did not understand earlier about the situation. Is it because I checked something else on a blog . I do not know, and I not sure of what I doing anymore anyway. Do I look silly , stupid out there with my post. Is trying to keep a good light on the day a thing of the past in today’s social world . Am I look upon as someone just searching for attention. Is it wrong !
Like a true fool I afraid of the answers to most of these questions. All I know is this , it been a very bad dozen or so years, where I lost so many things so many ways, I too young to just throw in the towel but to old to be picked for the team. really. And to broken up physically to do what I use to do,truth.
I love watching my grandchildren, and some see it a blessing. I worry about my wife and what little I contribute to her future, You see I had my Enron .In today’s world nobody cares what you did, they want to know what you can do right now for them. I hate that, I really do.
I feel foolish and I can’t shake it. How do you shake this sick feeling. Oh I can make a statement that I don’t care. that not true at all. I believe in positive thinking ,but it seems to add to my feeling of foolishness tonight. I pray , allot . I didn’t use to, matter of fact I was at war with God most of my life. Oh God did I waste time there,the anger ,the need to please myself first. Maybe feeling like a fool and humility have kind of the same feeling .
I am by know means un blessed that for sure. I can’t imagine living in the poverty that others do. I guess I just need to be quiet for a while. Yes.